Home > Google, Small Things I Blow Out Of Proportion > Walt Mosspuppet’s Guide to Using Google Wave

Walt Mosspuppet’s Guide to Using Google Wave

Don’t.

That’s my advice to you if you’re considering using Google Wave, or if you’ve just gotten an invite to the thing, my advice to you is to walk away.

Seriously.

Wave is supposed to be a revolution in personal communication. It’s what e-mail would be like if it were created now, or some stupid thing. You can do stuff like e-mail, or instant messaging, or picture sharing, or a whole hell of a lot of other useless stuff that’ll appear interesting to .com idiots and teenagers who’re baked out of their minds, but what about the rest of us? Well, the rest of us say that Google Wave should go away. If I want to e-mail someone I’ll send them an e-mail. If I want to chat with someone in real time I’ll use a carrier pigeon. If I want to do something that would appeal to wasted teenagers, I’ll bash my head in with a baseball bat first, because that’s just stupid.

Google’s known for its minimalist interfaces, so how did Wave get through the censors? It’s so busy and blinky and flashy, it’s going to give people seizures. It makes me scared, and I’m Walt Goddamn Mosspuppet. And let me tell you a little something about Walt Mossberg:

Walt Mosspuppet doesn’t get scared by new things. New things get scared of Walt Mosspuppet and put themselves in the Dead Pool.

This is the Google Wave interface:

Seriously, what the hell’s going on here? How is anybody over the age of 35 supposed to understand what’s going on? Am I typing in the left column? The right column? Why do I have to take a poll?

Give me one text field and one button, or get the Hell out of my way. Anything above the most stripped-down text editor imaginable and a submit button the size of my goiter is stupid.

I’ll end with a personal note to Eric Schmidt: Stop it. Just stop it, Eric. Shut Google Wave down, and let me have my stripped down interface; anything else will make me wet my pants, and not in the way I like to.

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