Home > Microsoft > Microsoft can’t sell Word anymore! Hot damn!

Microsoft can’t sell Word anymore! Hot damn!

A while ago, Microsoft was hit with a patent infringement lawsuit due to the fact that Steve Ballmer personally stole a bunch of source code that someone else had patented, and made that the core of their document system. (Close enough) Steve Ballmer filed an appeal with the Texas court that was apparently granted global authority to control Microsoft (Thank you, President Obama!), saying something that I didn’t read because I hate Steve Ballmer so much he makes me want to vomit on his shoes.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter what the appeal was, because it was denied! Ha ha! Take that, Steve, you evil, bald bastard! Here’s a quote from an Ars Technica article about it. This stuff makes me weak in the knees:

The US Court of Appeals has ordered Microsoft to drop support for editing Custom XML in Word, essentially stopping the company from selling current versions of one of its flagship products and affirming a $290 million patent infringement judgment against the software giant. The injunction, which goes into effect on January 11, 2010, not only bars the sale of Word 2007, but also affects all editions of Microsoft Office 2007, since Word comes bundled with all of them.

Oh, man, I think I need a cigarette. Office is Microsoft’s main moneymaker, and now it’s completely and utterly destroyed. They won’t be able to sell any form of Office ever again! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hold on, Katherine’s telling me there’s more text. I think Katherine should shut up because I hate her so much, but — aww, crapcakes, there is more in the article:

It’s not as bad as it seems, however. “This injunction applies only to copies of Microsoft Word 2007 and Microsoft Office 2007 sold in the US on or after the injunction date of January 11, 2010,” a Microsoft spokesperson told Ars, meaning all copies of these products sold before this date (including Word 2003 and Word 2007) are not affected. “With respect to Microsoft Word 2007 and Microsoft Office 2007, we have been preparing for this possibility since the District Court issued its injunction in August 2009 and have put the wheels in motion to remove this little-used feature from these products. Therefore, we expect to have copies of Microsoft Word 2007 and Office 2007, with this feature removed, available for US sale and distribution by the injunction date.”

The injunction does not require changes to Word 2010, slated for release in June 2010. This is because “the beta versions of Microsoft Word 2010 and Microsoft Office 2010, which are available now for downloading, do not contain the technology covered by the injunction,” the Microsoft spokesperson confirmed.

What kind of goddamn stupidity is this? Come on, Texas! You’re supposed to be the “shoot everyone for every offense even if they’re not mentally competent to stand trial” state! You shoot people looking at you cock-eyed and being mentally handicapped;  how could you take one look at Steve Ballmer and think he’s fit to stand for anything?

You cut me deep, Texas courts. You cut me deep.

So this is a minor hiccup for Microsoft? That’s almost as lame as Eric Schmidt! Doesn’t Microsoft have to stand accountable for any of their awful, evil business practices? I guess Microsoft had to pay for a lot of legal fees, which is good, but when you combine this with the EU deciding not to fine them anymore, Steve’s going to be getting pretty cocky, and we can’t have a cocky Ballmer. It just won’t do, and more than that, it’s going to be a mess for the whole goddamn world.

I’m calling on my vast readership to sue Steve Ballmer for something. I don’t care what, as long as it will make it through a trial and make them hurt. Who’ll help me knock that bald bastard down a peg? I know it’s a lot to ask, but if someone could make it happen, it would be like some kind of Christmas miracle.

Shalom!

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