Home > Apple, Idiots > You don’t deserve the iSlate.

You don’t deserve the iSlate.

According to a poll over at MacMost.com, what most people want out of the upcoming iSlate is to be able to read books. My god, you people think so small.

The iSlate is one of the finest devices ever conceived. It will allow you to interact with the internet and the world in a way that nothing ever has before. It goes so far beyond simply shattering a paradigm that the word paradigm itself needs a shift. It is amazing, and simply knowing one is in the same building as you will cause you to climax.

And you want to read goddamn books with it? What the crap is the matter with you? I mean, sweet Enola Gay, I’m a 127-year old man and I think that’s old fashioned.

If you just want an eBook reader, go buy one and leave the rest of us to enjoy our new technological nirvana, okay? You damage our coolness by your participation in Apple’s product line. It’s embarrassing. It’s like someone has handed you luddites a starship with an infinitely fast warp drive, and the only thing you want to do is find a way to attach it to your horse.

Shut up.

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  1. anon
    February 15, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    Boy, I bet you’re disappointed.

  1. January 19, 2010 at 11:54 am
  2. January 19, 2010 at 8:26 pm

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