Home > Apple, Idiots > Apple Tablet “analysis” is a joke that TUAW won’t stop telling.

Apple Tablet “analysis” is a joke that TUAW won’t stop telling.

So that bastion of balanced reporting, The Unofficial Apple Weblog, has been doing its best to lead the charge against any bit of news that isn’t about the upcoming iSlate, making report after report on the as-yet-unannounced device, speculating so wildly about what it could be that they seem to have stopped bothering to compare what they’re writing against any sort of reality at all. In fact, it’s more and more like someone has spiked their water supply; I’m half expecting their next “source” to be a floating pink elephant who breathes AppleTVs, or for their next article to show you how to remove your bottom rib so that you can properly fellate yourself.

Not only is TUAW rushing toward speculative journalism like it’s a call girl offering a 110% discount, it’s now apparently congratulating itself for getting a case of syphilis. Case in point, their latest entry titled “Tablet analysis and opinion: What TUAW has brought to the table,” in which they basically drop their trousers and brag about how great their contribution to the iTablet coverage has been:

In light of the current tablet frenzy, TUAW is not alone shouting “Tablet, Tablet!” from the rooftops. The tablet has been a widespread and consistent story from several directions which we have been compiling and discussing. Over the last few weeks, TUAW has depended on multiple background sources who have information about the device, as do scores of other sites and news outlets.

In that light, we’ve assembled this round up of analysis and opinions posts, based on the most-likely credible rumors and sources we’ve been able to dig up from the last few years. Here are some of our longer discussion pieces that you might have missed the first time ’round.

This post is so ouroboral that it defies description; this post has left me utterly flapped. I can’t believe the idiocy on display here; The Unofficial Apple Weblog is like some dumb jock who’s high-fiving his friends because when he vomited in the middle of that awesome party last night, it was way better than when anyone else vomited at that party (which was so awesome, because, come on. Dude.). Or like a toddler who doesn’t yet realize that smearing his poopy on the wall isn’t something that will get his parents to applaud.

What kind of ego do these yokels have to actually quote themselves quoting idle speculation and call that important? Jesus.

Here’s a tip for you, TUAW (and the rest of the tech industry, to varying degrees): if someone sends you a tip, reporting on it might be journalism. If you get a tip inside your head, reporting on it means you’re just making crap up.

I’d make a complaint here about their journalistic integrity, but, really, that would require them to be journalists, wouldn’t it?

Shut up.

  1. Fake Steve Case
    January 24, 2010 at 12:34 am

    Oh, shut up. You’re just a damned puppet.

    My dachshund writes better than you do, and at least he has an imagination and a dick. So what if they’re writing posts about rumors? Every other fucking Apple site is doing the same thing.

    Jaysus. I can’t wait until Wednesday so all this shit is over with.

  2. Fake Steve Case
    January 24, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    A picture! Or it doesn’t exist!


  3. February 4, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    What you don’t know is how much real information we had before the event yet could not divulge to protect our sources. Plus, you seem to forget that the purpose of a blog isn’t to break news by sending teams of investigative journalists out on the streets… it is to provide commentary and analysis based on a team of experts (I believe Mrs. Sadun’s career speaks for itself, but I could rattle off a list of our other writers’ credentials if you like).

    I’m sorry that a *roundup post* offended your sensibilities. Some found it useful to put those together. And now it’s all over and we can worry about the next magical rumor that we’ll just make up just to irritate you.

    • February 4, 2010 at 3:06 pm

      In lieu of divulging the real information you had, your fallback was to randomly make stuff up that you knew would be false? Who are you, TechCrunch?

  4. elmizzt
    February 4, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    mosspuppet :
    In lieu of divulging the real information you had, your fallback was to randomly make stuff up that you knew would be false? Who are you, TechCrunch?

    I lol’d so hard.

  5. June 4, 2010 at 9:30 am

    WE HAD REAL INFORMATION. Oh hey, look, the iPad. Guess we’re just dopes.

    If you go back and analyze the content in this post there’s like 95% just name-calling behavior and about 2% directed criticism and the rest is filler.

    What’s your beef with TUAW, exactly?

  1. January 22, 2010 at 3:48 pm
  2. January 22, 2010 at 11:01 pm

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