Home > Small Things I Blow Out Of Proportion > Round Monopoly makes me angry!

Round Monopoly makes me angry!

I’ve got a lot of fond memories of Monopoly; when I was a young man in my 40’s the very first edition was in constant use; I practically wore out the board playing it with the folks at the University of Pennsylvania while we were waiting for ENIAC to chew through those first thousand digits of pi over the long weekend.

(FYI: Scientists cheat at Monopoly and then try to pretend that you misremembered how many times they rolled doubles)

I’ve been playing this game for decades and loving it, and I’ve even gotten my close, personal friend, Steve Jobs, to play a few times with me. Monopoly has been a constant in my life. It’s soothed me when things get too goddamn hectic. But now my island of calm has been carpetbombed like some kind of second-rate island nation. Lookit:

They’ve made the crapdamn board round!

But it’s not just a random move to give die-hard fans a reason to buy yet another version, it turns out one of the first concepts for the board game was circular according to Hasbro.

Not to be out done by the latest video games, however, the Monopoly board will do away with cash and the chance to raid the bank when no-one is looking. Players instead will be issued with a chip and pin credit card and a central console that plays banker.

This makes me almost too angry to complain about. I want my little race car! I want cash money! I don’t want to play a game that looks like a goddamn lazy susan!

This is insanity. If only Milton and Bradley were still around: if they were, I could make one phone call and this travesty would be stopped.

Shut up.

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