Home > Small Things I Blow Out Of Proportion > Twilight: Eclipse looks like a bag of crap.

Twilight: Eclipse looks like a bag of crap.

Why did I watch the teaser trailer for the new goddamn Twilight movie? Certainly it wasn’t because I expected to enjoy it, or for it to make me think that the movie might actually be good. Oh, I know, it’s because I wanted to see how many times this car crash was going to flip down the road before it settled in the ditch and awaited the Firemen with their jaws of life to pry out the lifeless bodies inside.

Ask and ye shall receive, bitches!

Seriously, what garbage is this? Does Stephanie Meyer (I don’t know or care if I’m spelling her last name wrong; she’s too crappy a writer for me to look it up) think that people actually say things like “I’m going to protect you until your heart stops beating?” Why do so many girls fall for this crap? Look, some blonde chick said something! Some pale asshole with a broken nose says something! Some underwear model has his shirt off! And some brown-haired chick is pretending she’s a good actor!

If anyone wonders what team I’m on, it’s neither Team Jacob nor Team Edward: I’m on Team Shoving My Goddamn Head in a Heated Oven Until the Stupid Goes Away.

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  1. ebrad
    March 11, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    The Oatmeal has the best explanation.

    http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

    In short, it’s girl porn with retarded vampires.

  2. March 12, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    Wow, Mosspuppet. You found a longer and more eloquent way to tell them to SHUT UP!

  3. Davepuppet
    March 14, 2010 at 1:02 am

    Favorite line from the trailer: “I want you to pick me over him.” How old is this Stephanie Meyer? Seven? Or did her wonderful screenwriters dream that up?

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