Amazon is deluded.

Following Opera’s insane example, Amazon is announcing their intensely delusional belief that Apple will approve a Kindle app specifically for the amazing Apple iPad. They’ve got a preview site for it here. Says the in-need-of-medication Amazon, in a paragraph titled “Kindle Apps for Tablet Computers Including the iPad”:

Tablet computers, including the iPad, are coming and with our free app you’ll be able to read more than 450,000 Kindle books. Like all Kindle apps, Kindle for tablet computers will include Whispersync technology, which automatically synchronizes your last page read, bookmarks, notes and highlights across your Kindle and Kindle compatible devices including PC, Mac, iPhone and Blackberruy.

Seriously, Bezos, do you think you’re actually getting Kindle on the iPad? Do you think Santa Claus is real, too? Do you think that dirty guy with the combover’s really going to give you your camera back once he’s taken that picture of you and your gullible family?

Time to grow up and face reality with this one, Amazon. Yes, there’s a Kindle app on the iPhone, but so what? You think my close, personal friend Steve Jobs won’t nuke it like Nagasaki to save its revenue stream? Amazon will have as large a presence on the iPad as goddamn Adobe does. Illegal? Maybe. Anti-competitive? Sure, but so what; this is Apple, after all.

The only way that the Kindle will make it onto the iPad is through Safari. Actually, why the hell isn’t the Kindle a web app? I mean, it’s just text, right? How hard is it to display text? This isn’t rocket science, Amazon.

To those of you who might be upset if the Kindle app is removed from the App store: grow a pair, and rebuy all your books in the iBook store, if it’s available in whatever country you get your iPad in. It’s not that hard.

Shut up.

  1. March 22, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    Mosspuppet you ignorant old twat! Your Dark Lord Steve Jobs wants to sell iPads. He doesn’t care where people get content from as long as it is playing on the iPad. Unless, of course, that content is porn, or non-vegan recipes; that shit will get your ass booted faster than Erik Schmidt at a Chinese Embassy dinner.

  2. Ben
    March 22, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    OMG! I complete have Mosspuppet’s voice stuck in my head and can hear you reading this article. Shut up!

  3. Zak
    March 22, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Not in Canada. Check out the iPad features on – no iBooks. I’m assuming that this is a licensing issue – much like when the Canadian iTunes store first launched with very little content, especially TV shows and movies. When the iPad finally makes it to Canada I bet its going to be stripped down and we’ll have to wait AGAIN. We still don’t have an announcement for iPad 3G service in Canada.

    And yes, Amazon is out to lunch on this one.

  4. Ronn
    March 23, 2010 at 3:00 am

    I could see Apple allowing Kindle for iPad just to highlight how much better their implementation of ebooks is. I wouldn’t buy a Kindle, but was excited to have it on my iPhone until I downloaded my first book. I had known that text couldn’t be searched (unbelievable), but was stunned that the index in the book pointed to page numbers for the print edition and that there were no hyperlinks from the index to the actual content in the text, thus rendering the index as useless. I wonder if Amazon has any concept of the advantages of a digital medium.

  5. Wretched Gnu
    March 26, 2010 at 11:37 am

    think you mean “intensely delusional”…

    shut up

    • March 26, 2010 at 11:43 am

      Thanks for the heads-up.

      And shut up.

  6. Wretched Gnu
    March 26, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    Mr. Mosspup, perhaps you can help me with a problem. Somehow your poetry has made its way into my skull (“I’m Waaalt Mossberrrrrg… Shaddap!”). Despite the fact that these words are a callous insult to literally everybody in the world, I chant them repeatedly as I wander about the house. The problem is that I have an imitative 4-year-old, and I fear I’m grooming him to callously insult literally everybody in his pre-K classroom. Can you suggest an alternate line I could growl throughout the day that would produce an equally satisfying sensation in my sternum?



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