Archive

Archive for April, 2010

BREAKING: I’m right about Apple killing the Mac.

April 28, 2010 3 comments

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Apple has no more interest in Macs. They will continue to suffer with the lumbering desktop and laptop models, but within the next 5 years, they’ll kill them all. They’ll kill them dead. Why?

iPhone.

iPad.

My close, personal friend Steve Jobs wants Apple to be the Nike of personal electronics, and with the iPad and the iPhone and the iPhone, they’re well on their way. Their mainstream consumer products are orders of magnitude more popular than their traditional counterparts, and for most people, when they think of Apple, the OS they think of is the iPhone OS, not the Mac.

The iPhone has, in a few short years, gained more active users than the Mac has in 30 years. It makes them more money than anything else does.

And Steve can only focus on one product at a time. That product is the iPhone OS.

Don’t believe me? Check out their announcement for the WWDC, and the Apple Design Awards. What both of these say is that the iPhone OS has their interest, and that the Mac is dead to them.

Shut up.

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You Fat American Bastards.

April 28, 2010 Leave a comment

What happened to you, America? Being morbidly obese used to be something rare enough to earn you money.

Not anymore, tubby.

Oh my god John Gruber oh my God.

April 28, 2010 Leave a comment

RUMOR: Apple releasing new anti-spam product this week.

April 26, 2010 1 comment

I can’t get into details — I can’t even tell you the fantastic name — but a little birdie (no, not that bastard Pogue) tells me that Apple’s releasing a brand new anti-spam product this week. What I can tell you is that it’s breathtaking, and transformative. It’s anti-spam done right, finally.

It’s majestic. Get ready.

BREAKING: Sony discontinues floppy disks.

April 26, 2010 3 comments

Apparently. Does anyone care? More than that, how could Sony be discontinuing a format today that my close, personal friend Steve Jobs discontinued YEARS AGO when he removed them from the iMac? Am I suck in another Groundhog Day-esque loop? Christ, I hope not, I just told my wife my idea to buy her a facemask so I can pretend she’s Steve Jobs anyone but her when we’re having nuptials, and that’s a reaction I never want to have relive.

I’d hit it: 100-year old iPad owners are sexy.

April 23, 2010 1 comment

The iPad purchasing limit is for your own good.

April 23, 2010 4 comments

Cult of Mac reported on an apparent policy at Apple to limit the number of iPads a person can purchase, ever, effectively resulting in a lifetime limit. They act like this is a bad thing:

The iPad may be too popular for its own good:  Apple seems to be imposing limits on how many you can buy.

You’re missing the point, Cult of Mac: it’s not that the iPad is too popular for its own good, it’s that the iPad is too popular for the health of the world. Seriously, could you imagine if normal people had simultaneous access to more than three iPads? Their hearts would explode, because it would be too much magical and amazing for normal circulatory systems to handle. Also, probably, people would crap their pants if they launched that many iPads at once.

So, once again, my close personal friend Steve Jobs is performing an amazing public service, this time by making sure his amazing new product doesn’t kill you.