Home > Apple > Why I’m not in line to buy an iPad.

Why I’m not in line to buy an iPad.

Today’s the big day, when the iPad finally gets into the hands of all the people who aren’t me, Walt Mossberg. Finally you can pretend to have the levels of exclusive access I do, but far too late for it to be interesting, and only when everyone else does.

Lots of people are lined up to get their preordered iPad, and almost all of them are posting photos of their visually exciting line-up experience to twitpic every four seconds. It’s fascinating. Do you know how I’m looking at their photos? With my iPad.

That’s right: I’m not in line with all you suckers to buy an iPad today because I have my own already. I have a dozen autographed prototypes from my close, personal friend Steve Jobs. I don’t need to be in line, because I’m the kingmaker. And you know what? Truthfully, if I hadn’t been given my prototypes through the years, or a review copy like other, less-important-to-Steve-Jobs journalists were limited to, if I was actually forced into buying one of these miraculous pieces of technology, I wouldn’t be standing in line: I’d get my assistant Eric to stand in line for me, because my time is more valuable than that, and also you people have been in line for two days, and you smell worse than usual. It’s an embarrassment to the deodorant industry.

Today’s the first day of the new era my friends, but you won’t see me writing very much about it for the next while. Why? Because rather than jawing on about it more like some goddamn Pogue, I’m actually using my glorious iPads to do stuff other than to talk about it. Crazy, right?

If you’ll excuse me, I have to finish this amazing game of Command & Conquer for the iPad. Then I might try Sketchbook Pro for the iPad. Then a racing game for the iPad. Then, when I get hungry, I’ll look up a recipe I can make on Epicurious for the iPad.

Shut up.

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