Rather than being so terribly goddamn mean to you all as to expect you to read this article by Steve Cheney about how no, seriously, you guys, the iPhone is coming to Verizon in January, I will instead summarize it for you:
No one believes the Verizon iPhone rumors anymore because they’re dumb. I’ve got a Verizon iPhone rumor, too! You should believe it because even though I state in my opening paragraph that people don’t believe the rumors any more because of how old and how consistently wrong they’ve been, this time it’s TOTALLY different, because I’m speculating! None of the other rumor-spreading people speculated before; they just made baseless guesses. They didn’t speculate like me!
Oh, heads are going to roll.
I’m sure you’re aware of the fact that Apple has started filing patents for certain types of applications, and that they’re apparently using the interfaces from existing apps to describe their newly invented applications, which they totally deserve a patent on.
Now, setting aside for the moment the fact that software patents are goddamn stupid, and serve to stifle creativity rather than promote it, as patents were originally intended, and that the idea of patenting software shows the politicians in favor of this idiotic practice to be completely unaware of how software is developed, I will address the specific controversy: namely, the fact that a bunch of apps on the app store seem to be featured in patent applications filed by Apple:
How the hell did so many small software developers get their hands on a time machine at the same time, go into the future to see the applications upon which these patent applications are based, then go back in time and write their own, lesser-quality knock-offs of Apple’s superior applications? It’s mind-boggling.
For shame, FutureTap and the rest of you. For shame.
As you know, my amazing, game-changing soundboard app is currently getting no love from Apple. I’m sure that my close, personal friend Steve Jobs will clear up this misunderstanding and put it up on the site, so that you can go and buy it and giggle like a happy little girl at being able to sound like me, but in the mean time, you can’t. More important than that, you can’t currently give me money.
I know that goddamn sucks, because you wanted to do that thing. So what if you want to still send me money even without getting my app in return? Well, good news, you handsome bastards, because now you can! Just click on the link below to send me money via PayPal. (if you want to do this directly, you can send PayPal funds to firstname.lastname@example.org)