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Archive for June, 2011

Glenn Beck doesn’t know how to use Google.

June 29, 2011 2 comments

Glenn Beck is off the air soon, and will be launching his new online network, called GBTV, over at gbtv.com, because apparently he doesn’t know how to register a .tv domain. There’s a snippet of his radio show where he talks about his leaving television, saying it’s going to implode soon, because the young people don’t watch it anymore. This is probably news to the scads of young people who do, in fact, watch more television now than they ever have before. 

That’s some great research, there, Glenn Beck.

He described GBTV as being a broadcast network unlike anything that’s ever existed before, because apparently the left-wing liberal conspiracy has kept him from ever hearing about podcasts, or podcast networks. Or maybe Leo Laporte, Dan Benjamin, and Jesse Thorn, among many, many others, are operating a goddamn fever dream.

I swear, Glenn Beck gives idiots a bad name.

Shut up.

Categories: Idiots Tags: , ,

John Gruber and the N9

June 22, 2011 9 comments

So Gruber called Nokia’s new N9 phone a worthy rival to the iPhone. Then took a shot at the fact that it’s based off of Meego, not Windows Phone 7, because, hey, why not take a shot like that? I mean, it’s not like this phone was already goddamn built, and them not releasing it would mean a massive waste of money, which would be goddamn idiotic. Gruber’s implication — and I know I’ll get all his cheerleaders yelling at me for daring to know what he was implying, because nobody can possibly know that, even though they claim to — seems to be that the Microsoft/Windows Phone 7 deal was a bad idea, even though we’ve yet to see the fruits of that deal.

Now, time may prove that correct, I don’t know. What I do know is that right now, Gruber thinks the phone looks pretty sweet, and if you watch the promotional video, I think you’ll see why: they’ve done their best to make an Apple product video, right down to a nearly-bald designer talking about how wonderful a designed product is. In this case, Nokia SVP of Design Marko Ahtisaari says:

Every once in a while, a product comes along that changes our perception of how we use technology, and how natural it can feel.

Compare this to, say, Jony Ive’s description of the iPhone 4:

iPhone 4 is so much more than just another new product. I mean, this will have a lasting impact on the way that we actually connect with each other.

And his description of the iPad:

You know, it’s true, when something exceeds your ability to understand how it works, it sort of becomes magical. And that’s exactly what the iPad is.

So, apparently, all you need to do to get Gruber to say something looks great is to make their promotional materials seem like Apple materials. Protip: If you’re ever around Gruber when a bell goes off, mind the drool.

Shut up.

Is Final Cut Pro a critical disappointment?

June 21, 2011 1 comment

Right now, the amazingly sweet and just-released Final Cut Pro X, Apple’s flagship video editing program, has got 13 ratings in the Mac App store, and is currently averaging 3 stars. One of the reviews, which gave it 2 stars, called it “Shockingly deficient.” Is this just the response to someone who isn’t paying attention, or is it a sign of things to come?

Shut up.

 

Categories: Apple Tags: , , , ,

Dear Adobe

June 21, 2011 1 comment

My doctor says I shouldn’t get angry, because I’m an old man and it wouldn’t take much for my heart to go all goddamn explodey in my chest, but I’ve got to be true to myself, no matter the consequences to my remaining alive. So if something angers me, I’m going to goddamn get angry about it. Anger is my fuel; it is the blood in my veins, and without it I’m a desiccated corpse.

Anger is probably the only thing keeping me alive.

Case in point, bitches: Adobe’s mailings. Yes, I get info on Adobe. Yes, eventually I want to upgrade to CS 5.5. Yes, Adobe has been sending a mailing out to me at least once every day telling me about their great products, and telling me how I can use their great products, once I buy them. This is fine, even if it’s a little in-your-face; I have the option, at any time, to remove myself from their mailing list.

Only, I don’t.

I have unsubscribed from their son of a bitch mailing list 3 or 4 times, but the e-mails just keep on coming in. No matter what I try. Does the unsubscribe feature not actually do anything? Are they just screwing with me? Whatever the explanation, I want it to stop. I need it to stop. Please, make it stop, for crap’s sake. Please.

Please. Let me out of your 9th circle of e-mail hell.

I have nothing against your products; I use them all the time. But your e-mails can fuck off and die in a fire. Or they would, if your unsubscribe feature did the only thing it’s supposed to do: unsubscribe someone when they ask.

Please, Adobe. I’ll do whatever you want if you just make the e-mail stop.

Shut up.

PC Magazine Loves me

Mac fanboys really need to get laid.

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: , ,

Bank Wrongly Forecloses Man’s House, Man Forecloses the Bank

Categories: Uncategorized