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Dear Adobe

My doctor says I shouldn’t get angry, because I’m an old man and it wouldn’t take much for my heart to go all goddamn explodey in my chest, but I’ve got to be true to myself, no matter the consequences to my remaining alive. So if something angers me, I’m going to goddamn get angry about it. Anger is my fuel; it is the blood in my veins, and without it I’m a desiccated corpse.

Anger is probably the only thing keeping me alive.

Case in point, bitches: Adobe’s mailings. Yes, I get info on Adobe. Yes, eventually I want to upgrade to CS 5.5. Yes, Adobe has been sending a mailing out to me at least once every day telling me about their great products, and telling me how I can use their great products, once I buy them. This is fine, even if it’s a little in-your-face; I have the option, at any time, to remove myself from their mailing list.

Only, I don’t.

I have unsubscribed from their son of a bitch mailing list 3 or 4 times, but the e-mails just keep on coming in. No matter what I try. Does the unsubscribe feature not actually do anything? Are they just screwing with me? Whatever the explanation, I want it to stop. I need it to stop. Please, make it stop, for crap’s sake. Please.

Please. Let me out of your 9th circle of e-mail hell.

I have nothing against your products; I use them all the time. But your e-mails can fuck off and die in a fire. Or they would, if your unsubscribe feature did the only thing it’s supposed to do: unsubscribe someone when they ask.

Please, Adobe. I’ll do whatever you want if you just make the e-mail stop.

Shut up.

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  1. George Goodman
    June 21, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    Is there any chance you subscribed from an address that is forwarding to the address you now use? That can block any unsubscription bot from removing you and, unfortunately, most of those bots fail silently rather than telling you they couldn’t remove you.

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