Siegler’s latest TechCrunch post, ostensibly a recap of the “subtle key details” bears a striking resemblance to the entirety of Engadget’s liveblog of the event.
Hey, MG: Summarizing’s that thing where you make content shorter.
If I were creating a start-up today, I’d call it MossCrunch. Or CrunchMoss. Or CrunchBookSpace.
Maybe what we need is another Foursquare-esque service where we get badges for finding the mayor of our local Starbucks, beating the crap out of him, and breaking his goddamn phone.
Facebook is holding some special event this Wednesday, October 6, to unveil something. Nobody knows yet, but lots of folks are speculating on the introduction of the Facebook Phone, Facebook/Skype integration, updates to Places (which seems less an issue of reasoned speculation and more a case of idjits moaning about the fact that Places doesn’t work in their country yet), possibly a Facebook-themed unicorn-buggering service.
Techcrunch (who has enough money because of the AOL buyout to afford my show. Call me) ruminates on this upcoming event, and the bit of fanwankery that caught my eye was this:
iPad: The lack of an official Facebook iPad app has been glaring since the device launched six months ago, and while some third party apps have stepped up to the plate (and done very well financially), a Facebook app is still nowhere to be seen.
Why does everyone keep going on about how much of a big deal an iPad-app for Facebook would be? The only reason they needed to make an iPhone app for their site is that their regular website was impossible to use on the iPhone, because the iPhone has a screen that’s only 3 or so inches big (like me!) and they had to restructure their experience to make sense on a small screen. But the iPad, in case you “pundits” haven’t noticed, is a full 10 inches (like Steve!). You don’t need to restructure anything, because the Facebook experience fits perfectly well and looks great on an iPad. Let me say that again, in case some of you are dimwitted:
A Facebook iPad app is unnecessary because Facebook fits on an iPad.
Jesus Crap, tech journalists are thick. What would you gain from having an iPad app? Places, maybe, though if they just added that to their website then everyone could access it from wherever they happen to be, and not just a super-small subset of people bitching about their precious First World Problems. What else would you gain? You wouldn’t have to worry about logging in all the time, I guess, but considering that you can tell the browser to remember your goddamn login information, this seems like a non-issue.
Now, to be clear, I’m not saying Facebook won’t ever build an iPad app; they very well might. I’m just saying it’s goddamn pointless to do so, and its introduction would only serve to stem the tide of blogger-bitching for about two seconds.
Rather than being so terribly goddamn mean to you all as to expect you to read this article by Steve Cheney about how no, seriously, you guys, the iPhone is coming to Verizon in January, I will instead summarize it for you:
No one believes the Verizon iPhone rumors anymore because they’re dumb. I’ve got a Verizon iPhone rumor, too! You should believe it because even though I state in my opening paragraph that people don’t believe the rumors any more because of how old and how consistently wrong they’ve been, this time it’s TOTALLY different, because I’m speculating! None of the other rumor-spreading people speculated before; they just made baseless guesses. They didn’t speculate like me!
Techcrunch has a write-up of a new app called Future Checkin, which is an iPhone app that will let you check in to places in Foursquare automatically, without even having to do it yourself. They speak of convenience, but really, this is just an annoyance tool.
Lookit: I don’t want to know where you’ve checked in, or whether you’re the mayor of a Starbucks or your own fat ass. You check in way, way too often when you have to do it manually. Can imagine the horror of a world where these things happen automatically ALL THE TIME? Never mind the issues with people forgetting to turn off the app before becoming the Grand Rear Admiral of the Asses-Aflame Video store, think of Twitter: the service will be rendered completely useless! People rail against the idea of having goddamn ads in the timeline, but that would be nothing compared to the millions of status updates every day by pompous, self-satisfied idiots who are quite sure that every single person who follows him on Twitter is stalker-level obsessed with them. (Here’s a hint for you: they aren’t!)
Now, sure, some of you — who are stupid — might say “But Walt, people can turn those notifications off!” and this is true. However, what you fail to consider, you clueless tit, is that the people who are going to run an app to let them check in constantly, automagically, are exactly the same people who want the Twitter notifications turned on. There’s no Venn Diagram to describe this group; it’s just a circle.