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Posts Tagged ‘app’

A Knee-jerk response to Showyou.

April 13, 2011 2 comments

So I just loaded the new iOS app Showyou on my iPad. It’s basically Flipboard for video, in that it combs your facebook and twitter feeds for video links, then shows them to you in a single spot.

Anyway, Showyou. It’s nice enough, and it does what it says it does. It’s got two viewing modes: a grid-view, and a list view that for some reason only showed me two videos that Liz Gannes shared somewhere. I’m honestly not making either of those things up.

While the grid, with its differently-sized screenshots of the video, looks nice enough, it scrolls both vertically AND horizontally, such that you kind of just slide around aimlessly looking at videos. And when you scroll, it takes a second to update, and you get the checkerboard. Now, I may be an old man who’s currently drunk — that’s more than a little likely — but this is confusing. Scrolling around I have no idea if I’ve seen all there is to offer. Where the crap am I in this goddamn grid? I have no idea. Constraining the scrolling to a single axis would make it pretty and stop it from being confusing.

Regarding the list view, I’m assuming that’s supposed to be the less-fun-but-more-usable viewing mode, but honestly, it showed me links to two videos shared by Liz Gannes, and while I tried to scroll past, it wouldn’t show me anything more.

TechCrunch wrote about Showyou, and Scoble made the first comment, chastising Aaarrrrrington et al for not giving it more ink, or recognizing it’s “one of the most important new iPad apps.” Really, Scoble? One of the most important apps? Because it lets you look at links people are already sharing with you? What makes this important? Ever the self-promoter, Scoble links to his own blog, so that TechCrunch readers can see the proper technique for a blowjob — if your knees aren’t bleeding, you’re doing it wrong — where he goes on and on about the importance of AirPlay. Is AirPlay a big deal? No, not yet, because you need to have an Apple TV to get the full living-room experience, and most people don’t even know the thing exists. But he personally likes it, so he thinks it’ll be a huge success. Judging by many of his past comments, he actually thinks that his liking a thing will make it a huge success.

Scoble, you arrogant twat, most people aren’t like you. They don’t have twenty-seven boxes connected to their TV. They don’t want that. They’re still trying to get used to the goddamn magical intensity of the iPad that they’ve owned for a year. And since AirPlay isn’t yet open, it’s not going anywhere. If TVs themselves supported it, sure, but that system failed when it was called DLNA, and despite your incomprehensible assertion that it failed was because the iPad didn’t exist and didn’t support it, it failed because in general, not enough things had it, so you couldn’t reliably use the fucking thing, and so no user would get into the habit of using it, if they ever had the right combination of gear to use it in the first place.

I don’t know why I’m getting upset at Scoble. It’s not like he’s even remotely credible when it comes to technology: after all, this is the guy who, in his conversation about why AirPlay is so fantastic and will totally catch on, said:

RSS was NOT open, by the way. It was largely controlled first by Netscape and later by Dave Winer. It was a standard that was made popular by Dave Winer and his company UserLand. It became a defacto standard because everyone started using it. The same way people are already starting to adopt AirPlay (thanks Rob Mitchell for the Lifehacker links that demonstrate such).

Then added:

RSS is a de-facto standard that any developer can use. That doesn’t mean it’s open. Dave Winer controls it.

Of course, father of RSS Dave Winer stepped in and defended his honor, saying:

Scoble, RSS was and is completely open. Someone creates everything. Please.

Scoble did not respond to this.

Seriously, getting upset at his portrayal of technology is like criticizing the specifics of your infant child’s plans for a rocketship to Mars:¬†Scoble thinks that a freely published spec for a text file isn’t open, and that Dave Winer is sitting in some goddamn castle somewhere, rubbing his fingers together cackling over all the control he has over it. And thinks that a proprietary piece of tech made by Apple is somehow more open an accessible than a free and clear spec for text files.

I could write down all of Scoble’s technical expertise on a single sheet of paper, then be able to use the entire paper to write something worthwhile, because it would still be blank.

Shut up.

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Get the Mosspuppet Soundboard app for Windows Phone 7!

November 26, 2010 Leave a comment

This is just a reminder for those of you who have a shiny new Windows Phone 7 Phone: Buy my app, which was written by my friend Rick Walrond! He’s goddamn great, and so is my app! It’s available on the store now for, like, a dollar. It’s such a bargain you should buy it 17 times, like people do with Justin Bieber songs on iTunes.

I heard about this trend on Dateline; I don’t repurchase Bieber songs myself.

Honestly.

 

Anyway, my app is called “Mossboard.” Search for it and buy it. There’s a free trial, but at $1, who the crap needs a trial? Just buy it! And when you do, and when you love the junk out of the app (which features great sayings of mine, the Review-o-Matic, AND inline Twitter and Youtube viewing), rate it and comment on it!

My recommendations for ratings would be 5/5, and comments could be something like “omfg this app is amazing!” or something more eloquent.

Shut up.

 

(Preview video of the app is here)

I’m on Windows Phone 7!

November 18, 2010 Leave a comment

The Mossboard for Windows Phone 7 is available now for you to try and buy! BIG thanks to my friend Rick Walrond for the programming, you did a great goddamn job, sir.

On a personal note, it sure is nice to see a platform with the courage of convictions, and the proper understanding of the word “parody,” to let me app in. Kudos, Ballllllmer, you strangely bald bastard!

 


Mosspuppet is coming to Windows Phone 7.

November 7, 2010 5 comments

It may be a stillborn platform, but I’m going to be on it! Doesn’t this look goddamn amazing? The starfields are glorious!

My friend Rick Walrond is making this app for me. He rocks.

Regarding the Apple/FutureTap patent Controversy.

August 6, 2010 1 comment

I’m sure you’re aware of the fact that Apple has started filing patents for certain types of applications, and that they’re apparently using the interfaces from existing apps to describe their newly invented applications, which they totally deserve a patent on.

Now, setting aside for the moment the fact that software patents are goddamn stupid, and serve to stifle creativity rather than promote it, as patents were originally intended, and that the idea of patenting software shows the politicians in favor of this idiotic practice to be completely unaware of how software is developed, I will address the specific controversy: namely, the fact that a bunch of apps on the app store seem to be featured in patent applications filed by Apple:

How the hell did so many small software developers get their hands on a time machine at the same time, go into the future to see the applications upon which these patent applications are based, then go back in time and write their own, lesser-quality knock-offs of Apple’s superior applications? It’s mind-boggling.

For shame, FutureTap and the rest of you. For shame.

Let me help you give me money.

August 5, 2010 2 comments

Dearest fans,

As you know, my amazing, game-changing soundboard app is currently getting no love from Apple. I’m sure that my close, personal friend Steve Jobs will clear up this misunderstanding and put it up on the site, so that you can go and buy it and giggle like a happy little girl at being able to sound like me, but in the mean time, you can’t. More important than that, you can’t currently give me money.

I know that goddamn sucks, because you wanted to do that thing. So what if you want to still send me money even without getting my app in return? Well, good news, you handsome bastards, because now you can! Just click on the link below to send me money via PayPal. (if you want to do this directly, you can send PayPal funds to mosspuppet@gmail.com)

Click here to send me money!

To sweeten the deal, I’ll tell anyone who gives me $10 or more to shut up in my next video. Pretty sweet deal, right? Don’t delay; line my pockets today!
Shut up.

VIDEO: Preview of my new, rejected iPhone app.

August 3, 2010 8 comments