Some really candid words from the man himself:
Crunchpad links to a new commercial for the Kindle, wherein a befuddled guy using an iPad can’t read his eBook in direct sun, while the fabulously hot chick with the Kindle can. This is it:
As you can see, the iPad user is doughy and ashamed of his body; he’s poolside in his t-shirt wearing long shorts! By contrast, the hot chick is comfortable with herself, and in a bikini. Such subtlety, Amazon! Ha ha!
Seriously, though, aside from completely missing the point about why the iPad is the most goddamn magical device ever, this commercial highlights two things:
- My close, personal friend Steve Jobs cares about you so much that he added the ridiculously reflective screen onto the iPad so that you couldn’t waste beautiful days. In this particular case, I’d say Steve would want the doughy iPad user to put the thing down and get to mackin’ on the amazingly gorgeous woman sitting directly beside him in a bikini! Idiot.
- While attractive, your average Kindle user is a vain idiot who spends too much on sunglasses.
UPDATE: I’m now linking to the official Kindle video, which doesn’t have the goddamn creepy-ass laughter at the end.
So that colossal asshat Victor Champ, who I hate almost as much as Arrrrrrington, has some goddamn irritating post up talking about Cult of Mac’s reference to an article written by those PARC guys, who may or may not have inspired my close, personal friend Steve Jobs when he created the first ever GUI in the history of the world.
The through-line of the article is that the PARC guys were crazy-mindreaders, somehow intuiting the amazing future plans of Steve 20 years ago, and how they’re basically predicting what Steve’s next moves will be. Which would be pretty incredible if true. But Champ, that clod, that useless sack of nothing, he has a different interpretation: he’s trying to paint Steve as a coach who’s stolen the playbook of a better coach, working through the plays with no understanding of what he’s doing:
That’s one way to look at it, sure. Another way to look at it is that it’s amazing that Steve Jobs is following a 20-year old script written by someone else, and he seems to building his business entirely on the backs of the people at PARC, who actually have the good ideas.He’s like some kind of stylish ventriloquist’s dummy; sure, he says some neat things, but they all come from somewhere else.
This makes me so angry, I can hardly finish my Scotch. The nerve you have, Champ, you inimaginable waste. How do you find the will to make it through the day without throwing yourself off of a goddamn bridge? You pansy. You fairy. You company man. How deep is Ballmer’s tongue in your anus, you horror? Is he tasting your food instead of you?
Who ever told you you could work with men?
You disgust me, Victor Champ, and worse than that, you insult the honour of a beautiful, wonderful man. You insult Steve.
I know that putting out a contract on your fuzzy little life would be an over-reaction, but can somebody remind me exactly why? Because I hate this bastard so much he makes me want to vomit down his throat.
Shut up, Victor. Shut up.
Why do I say this? Because when talking about a conversation he supposedly had with my close, personal friend Steve Jobs back in 2003 about Sun’s “Project Looking Glass” ripping off Apple’s IP, Schwartz claims he got the upper hand on Steve in a verbal battle of wits:
My response was simple. “Steve, I was just watching your last presentation, and Keynote looks identical to Concurrence – do you own that IP?” Concurrence was a presentation product built by Lighthouse Design, a company I’d help to found and which Sun acquired in 1996. Lighthouse built applications for NeXTSTEP, the Unix based operating system whose core would become the foundation for all Mac products after Apple acquired NeXT in 1996. Steve had used Concurrence for years, and as Apple built their own presentation tool, it was obvious where they’d found inspiration. “And last I checked, MacOS is now built on Unix. I think Sun has a few OS patents, too.” Steve was silent.
Since everybody know that Steve would never let himself get pushed around like that, we can safely assume that Jonathan Schwartz is a filthy scum liar. Also he probably lied about the Concurrence/Keynote thing, and Sun having any patents at all, because there’s no way that Steve would ever be so colossally short-sighted to threaten to sue someone who could immediate sue him back, or to hold such an egregious double-standard. Obviously. Steve’s a super-genius who doesn’t need to steal anyone else’s great ideas because he’s got so crapdamn many of his own.